From invisible to unforgettable: here’s your cheat sheet.
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Episode Summary
Nobody hands you a manual when you become a manager.
No playbook for the hard conversations. No guidance for when someone on your team isn’t delivering. No one sitting you down and saying, here’s what to do when someone pushes back, goes quiet, or challenges your authority before you’ve even had a chance to prove yourself.
You just figure it out as you go. In real time, on real people, with real consequences.
I’ve been there. And after years of managing teams at companies like Meta, Spotify, and beyond, I’ve learned that the gap between managers people tolerate and leaders people actually want to follow comes down to one thing: understanding your people well enough to know what’s really going on beneath the surface.
That’s what this episode of Chasing Waves is about. And that’s what I want to share with you here.
The Reframe That Changes Everything
Here’s something I wish someone had told me earlier.
Most behavior that feels hard to manage isn’t about attitude. It’s not about someone being difficult, lazy, or resistant for the sake of it. It’s about pressure. Wiring. Unmet clarity.
Think about the people on your team right now. One goes quiet in meetings, not because they’re disengaged, but because they process internally. Another moves fast and pitches half-formed ideas, not because they’re reckless, but because iteration is how they think. Someone else asks a lot of questions before committing, not because they’re stalling, but because clarity is what unlocks them.
None of these are problems. They’re just people operating from their own wiring, their own pressures, their own way of making sense of the world.
And when you start seeing it that way, the moments that feel difficult start to make a lot more sense. Because most of the time, it’s not difficult people. It’s just different people.
That one shift — from “why are they being difficult?” to “what do they need from me right now?” This is what takes you from managing around people to actually leading them.
5 Things That Will Change How You Lead Starting This Week
Managing people is easy when everything’s going well. Anyone can do that. These five things are for when it’s not — when someone’s not delivering, when the communication breaks down, when you’re not sure how to handle what’s in front of you.
1. Clarity — and I can’t stress this enough
Most managers assume their expectations are obvious. “This was implied.” “We discussed this.” But if you haven’t said it clearly and explicitly, people will fill in the gaps themselves. And the chances of being on the same page? You’re leaving it up to chance.
So say it out loud. Write it down if it helps. Confirm they’ve understood. Whatever it takes to make sure you’re both looking at the same picture.
2. Listen before you react
When someone keeps missing deadlines, it’s tempting to go straight into enforcement mode. But what if you paused first and asked “what’s actually getting in the way? Is the scope unclear? Are they overwhelmed? Are they prioritizing the wrong thing because they think it matters more?”
That question changes everything. Because now you’re solving the right problem.
3. Connect their work to the bigger picture
Your people don’t just want a to-do list. They want to understand why their work matters, how it connects to the team’s bigger picture, and what success actually looks like. When someone understands that, they take ownership. And as a manager, that’s exactly what you want, which is ownership, not just task completion.
4. Name the impact, not the blame
A lot of managers hesitate to name the impact of missed expectations because they’re worried about sounding harsh. But here’s the thing, it’s not harsh, it’s clear.
Missed deadlines don’t just affect one person. They ripple. Walk your team through it. Help them see beyond their individual task so they start thinking about the bigger picture. When people understand the real ripple effect, everything shifts.
5. Coach, don’t correct through fear
Leading through fear can get short-term results. But it never builds long-term growth.
When someone makes a mistake, how you respond is everything. Come in with judgment and they’ll shut down. Come in with curiosity. Ask what happened, what got in the way, what they’d do differently — and they’ll grow.
That’s the difference between a manager people fear and a leader people trust.
Listen now!
